Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize