end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize