my mouth tastes like poor choices
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
