you traded sex for a burrito?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
