Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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