ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
