there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
