I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
