I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
