bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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