after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
