I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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