if you like me you must not know who I am
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
