I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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