her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
