You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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