there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
