He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Randomize
