didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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