I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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