Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
