"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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