I'm gonna have a badass scar
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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