The maid of honor just puked.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
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