And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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