Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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