i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
