I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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