Someone shit on the floor
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
