in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
