Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
porn star boner night. come get it.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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