Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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