I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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