pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
