Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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