I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize