you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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