I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
