I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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