onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
