for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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