I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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