Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
there is glitter all over my balls
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
