At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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