the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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