I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
