If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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