she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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