I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
