my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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