My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Small penises have feelings too.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize