look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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