guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
