Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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