I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I had to cum in my sink.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
