your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
