Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
