If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The best revenge is premature balding
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
this just has baby written all over it
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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