The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
