Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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