We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
