he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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