I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
