I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
