you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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