Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
