u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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