After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm just crazy horny about you
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
