Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
