lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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