Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
