highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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