I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
