He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize