the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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