You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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