when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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