it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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