$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
