At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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