Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
