im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
