I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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