I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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