Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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