I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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