Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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