Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I am one with the molecules
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
