somebody snuck up and got me drunk
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
She needs sedatives and a leash
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
