I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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