if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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