Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
