Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
