do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
